My colleague and I have been unable to use IDETalk - version 1.0 within IDEA 6.0.5, build 6180 - yesterday I had a few free moments and tried again. When I tried to diff files and canceled, I finally got the error that indicated the problem. That error indicates the IP:port IDETalk is trying to communicate with.
Instead of choosing my built-in ethernet connection, IDETalk was attempting to use the IP assigned to Parallels (I assume because it came numerically or alphabetically first). I'm not running Parallels right now, so I was able to shut down those network addresses and was finally able to send a message to my co-worker. He hasn't shut down his Parallels network connections yet, so he can't respond; however, this will clearly resolve the problem.
I can see no way to tell IDETalk what local network to use when not communicating over Jabber. That would be the simplest fix - allowing me to put in a subnet.