I think the default values for JVM memory (-Xms and -Xmx) are not the best ones for most systems. However, it is quite tedious to update them manually and they are lost when IDEA is updated. (At least on OS X).
I'm suggesting that you would define those values as part of the installation process. The installer could check how much memory is available and set those values based on that data. Alternatively the installer could simply ask the user how much memory he wants IDEA to use with an explanation on what effects the different values would have.
This way most of the users would have more realistic amount of memory defined for IDEA without having to change the settings manually.